The question that changed my life
The question that changed my life
and the stories we tell ourselves
Researchers have found that about 70-80% of our thoughts are negative and the majority of those thoughts are on repeat every day. Given these statistics, about 75% of the thoughts about ourselves are negative and we will often only see confirmation of our own thoughts.1
It is easier to believe something negative about ourselves than something positive because it confirms what we already thought. And what we thought multiple times, every day.
Years ago, I listened to a popular Typology podcast episode where Ian Cron spoke with Ryan Stevenson (an Enneagram 4) about his life story. While discussing his narrative and the messages this Type 4 absorbed in his life, Ian asked him a question.
“What if it’s not true?”
What if the story you are telling yourself about you, about your life, about what people think about you, about how people feel about you… what if it’s not true?
Just because you think a thought or feel it is true doesn't make it true.
The concept blew my mind.
I was spending the weekend with my parents when I heard this new message and I decided to ask my parents if I was hearing the truth (with fear and trembling). I considered the thoughts in my mind:
“They don’t want me here.”
“I’m taking up space.”
“I interrupted.”
Guess what? None of my thoughts were true. They were happy to spend time with me, their eldest daughter. Just the 3 of us. It was an incredibly vulnerable and emotional moment of receiving love and acceptance from my parents.
In coaching, I encourage my clients to challenge the inner messages they hear. These messages are negative, on repeat, and leave us stuck in unwanted patterns.
We identify the negative message your Enneagram Type plays on repeat, meet it with compassion, and work on replacing it.
And I promise, no matter the darkest, shaming message you have on repeat, there is no shame here. You are not the first one to have that thought. It doesn’t make you a terrible person.
I am still on this journey myself, offering myself compassion and grace for believing I am inherently flawed and embracing myself with love. Just last night I had to remind myself I am not just taking up space. Discovering we each matter, we are each lovable, we each belong is a journey, no matter what step you are on. But as I continue to let go of that Enneagram 4 narrative, I continue to discover the person God created me to be.
What message do you want to let go of?
What story are you telling yourself?
Do you think it is directly related to your Enneagram Type?
As reported here: Typology: Author Jennie Allen on Toxic Thoughts and the Enneagram